No family should be dealing with conflict and grief at the same time – but it happens far too often, especially in family business.

Promises are made, but contracts aren’t created. Facts are assumed, but communication isn’t clear. It all can add up to a family literally fighting on the way to mourn their loved one.

Award-winning speaker, author, farmer and family business consultant Jolene Brown has witnessed it and now helps family businesses nationwide proactively plan for their futures.

She led a webinar organized by Prairie Family Business Association that offered insights on everything from fairness and equality in transition to earned sweat equity, adviser necessity, productive communications and important meetings.

“Jolene has been a popular speaker at our annual conference and is an outstanding resources for family businesses,” said Stephanie Larscheid, executive director of Prairie Family Business Association.

“This webinar is a great mix of wisdom and humor that most importantly will give you actionable takeaways no matter where you’re at in your family business planning.”

The webinar was on Aug. 27. 

We caught up with Jolene Brown for a recap of what to expect.

It’s a catchy title – Stop the Fighting on the Way to the Funeral Home – but is it for real? Have you seen families literally so unprepared for the future they’re fighting as they mourn a loved one?

Fighting comes in many forms —  often triggered by assumptions, expectations, promises, entitlement, power/control, selective informing. Behaviors vary from the victim or martyr, to aggressive assertiveness and anger. There’s jealousy, resentment, resistance. There’s hopelessness, despair.

I’ve seen where each side tries to build an army of other family members, friends or community folks to prove they are right and the other is wrong. Once the war is declared, it’s pretty hard to mediate or negotiate.

Recently while speaking in Ohio, I was told that after a neighboring farmer died, the land was divided and the farmstead was divided in half. One half included the house, the other half the outside buildings. The brothers built an earthen berm right down the line and haven’t talked to each other since.

What are some of the first issues you think families should address to avoid this sort of drama? Even in a family that has started to prepare for transition, there always are elements to update or address. What are some common oversights you see from families in that situation?

Silence is the greatest destroyer of family and business. What you have in your will/estate plan is your own business — unless you want the integrity of the business to continue and the assets of your estate affect the continuation of the business. Then, the rules of the succession/transition game must be known. It’s not that all in the family have to like it, but they deserve to know it.

Families also need to understand that a conversation is not a contract. If it is not in writing, it does not exist. I’ve found with family that more, not less, must be in writing.

Finally, understand that being part of a family business is conditional; it is not a birthright. You define those conditions early so next generations know the rules of the game.

Transition requires the succession of three things:

1. Knowledge – “This is what we do here. But you have a new body of education. What else do we need to know?”
2. Experience – “This is how we do it. But you have worked elsewhere for three years. What did you learn from that experience that would help us and this business be better?”
3. Physical assets.

The problem is most start with No. 3 without having the first two in place.

You’ve worked with Prairie Family Business Association and its members in the past. What has your experience been like, and what can they expect from this month’s webinar?

Prairie Family Business has exceptional members and provides strong resources and services for them. I’ve learned that each time I return to an association, the members are at a “different level of student.” Roles and responsibilities of family and business have changed. They “view” the insight and tools with different eyes.

Those attending the webinar can count on the sharing of valuable lessons learned from legacy businesses wrapped in humor and stories.

In the past, have there been some eye-opening moments when you share your experiences and insight with families? What are typically some of the biggest takeaways?

It is helpful if all generations in the business attend the learning experiences at the same place and same time. That becomes the common ground to continue the conversation and process. Then, assign one person to be in charge of continuing the steps of the process. They don’t have to do the work or have the answers, they just need to keep the process flowing.

Discovering each individual’s “point of pain” is helpful. It’s a good motivational place to start. And it’s important to understand the family and business history, but beginning with the “mirror of today’s reality” is needed as the foundation for action.

The conversations and decisions about succession and transition do not have to be a painful, dreaded process, but one that brings peace of mind, assurance of business, clarity for family and renewed motivation to work in the business. You will need a good team of advisers, and yes — this is a financial investment in your family and your business.

Additional resource

Clint Fischer, an attorney at Thompson Law, offered a 30-minute Q&A session after Brown’s one-hour presentation.

Fischer offers a practical understanding of what it takes to create, sustain and transition a successful operation. He discusses how a family can navigate estate issues to protect their business and their legacy.

Member Access

To watch Stop the Fighting on the Way to the Funeral Home, visit here.